Diary of the Four-Pawed Boss

My Hooman says that she will try to update my website every single day. She's been busy with something called a job. It pays "money," whatever that is. I don't understand this. We have an agreement. I pay her in cuddles and hugs!!! She insists that she'll still update my site regularly, she just might not be able to every single day.

Do Cuddles and Hugs mean Nothing anymore?!?!

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Never, ever, ever, interrupt a cat during bath time!!! Bath time is extremely important! Nothing, except maybe tuna time, is important enough to interrupt Bath Time!

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I finally learned how to take a Selfie!!! I’m very proud of myself! It took me a long time to understand what a selfie was, but I totally understand now. I don’t really understand why people keep talking about needing a “selfie-stick.” I just had my Hooman hold the camera. Her arms work great! Maybe other people need to just get their own Hoomans to take selfies for them. I'm sure it's less trouble than a stick! Besides, after my Hooman helps with my selfies, she gives me hugs.

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I found a great new hiding place!!! I’m really excited!!!

Do you think my tail shows too much, though?!?! I don’t know, maybe I ought to stick with my blankets. I need opinions; advice. My tail doesn’t show too much from under the stool, does it?

I really like the stool, though. The main problem really isn’t whether or not my tail shows. The problem is that my Hoomans keep moving it. I don’t think they understand how much I need it.

-The Hooman would like to say that we weren't sure whether the cat had grown a shell, or whether the stool had grown a tail!-

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I don't understand Hoomans sometimes!!! Here I am ready for good hugs, but my Hooman is NOT giving me her full attention as is my right! She always seems to be reading a book, or working on the computer, or watching that strange screen that has the moving pictures on it. She claims that she's working on my website when she's on the computer, but I still don't think that's any excuse to ignore me!!! Besides, I don't see my picture on that computer screen! She can't always be working on my site!

It's clear to me that Hoomans just have too many distractions. They really don't understand the simple life like my dog Tiffany and I do!!! I try to teach them. I even get between my Hooman and her distractions, but she's really not good at learning new things. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. That's nonsense!!! My Tiffany learns new things all the time. I think it's stubborn Hoomans who simply can't learn new tricks!!! Don't worry, I'll keep trying to teach my Hooman. It's a very. Good thing I'm so patient.

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My Hooman hasn’t been able to help me update my website the last couple of days. She had something called a “cold.” Apparently you’re sick when you have a cold, but I don’t understand because she didn’t feel cold to me. Oh well, Hooman logic is definitely beyond me.

Whatever it was, I knew that she needed me. I’ve heard that petting a cat (or a dog, I made sure Tiffy got pets too) helps Hoomans get better faster. I’m sure that she wouldn’t have gotten well nearly as fast if I hadn’t stayed with her all day.

Since my Hooman agrees that she couldn’t possibly have gotten better without my help, she has generously decided to let me take over the whole site today, so I get to write on her page also!

So Many Choices!!! So Many Choices!!!

I love it when my Hooman is smart enough to just leave my toy drawer out for me! It’s so much fun to get to choose my own toy! I can’t decide though!!! What should I choose!!! This is like my own personal catnip!!!

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My Hooman was kind enough to make me my own ottoman. Of course, she made a few mistakes. She left these strange nails in it. I fixed it, though. I took all of the nails out. You can see how much better the ottoman looks without the nails in it in the last two pictures. I think my Hooman is very grateful to me for fixing her mistake. I’m sure she didn’t mean to leave those nails.

Although… Maybe she left them in on purpose, so I could have the fun of taking them out and playing with them. I admit, it was a lot of fun, and every time I get one loose, l do have fun playing with it. I just have to be careful not to let them poke my paws. I’m sure my Hooman didn’t realize how sharp they were when she left them in for me.

At least, I’ve now fixed the ottoman. The nails are gone. Now if I can just get my Hooman to remember that the ottoman is MINE, not hers. She keeps trying to put her feet on it.

(The Hooman Sap would like to add that when she first noticed the upholstery nails on the floor, she thought that they had just fallen out because they weren’t long enough. Then one evening she saw Lilly actually pull on out with her teeth, drop it on the floor, then proceed to play with it. The Hooman now has a little baggie full of nails that Lilly has discarded from the homemade ottoman.)

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Red Alert!!! Red Alert!!!


A strange man came to our house the other day. I don’t think he can be trusted. My Hooman called him her “brother." I don't know what a "brother" is, but I'm sure he's dangerous.  I don’t think she understands how you’re supposed to treat strangers. You certainly DO NOT invite them to stay in your home!

Since my Hooman has no sense I decided that I needed to keep an eye the Stranger for her. She needed to be protected from her own lack of good sense! I came up with a great strategy.

When the stranger came back to my house from some meeting or something, I made sure that I was curled up on the bed he slept on. That way, he’d know that I, at least, was watching him!

That night, I made sure to sit right outside my Hooman’s bedroom door. This accomplished two things. I could protect her, and keep an eye on the Stranger’s room at the same time.


The Stranger left early in the morning, with his tail between his legs!!! I’m just glad that I didn’t have to go to more extreme measures. I heard him say he thought I was plotting murder. Let’s just be glad that it didn’t have to go that far! I always find it difficult to hide my knife in my fur.

Well, it may have been extreme, but if my Hooman’s not going to protect herself from strangers, then I’ll have to do it myself.

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Christmas is Coming!!! Christmas is Coming!!! Christmas is Coming!!!

My Hooman was kind enough to get out my Christmas tree last night. She also put out my poinsettias. (They’re funny. They don’t seem to be an actual plant, my Hooman says they’re silk. I don’t understand. How can a plant be made out of silk?!?!)

Oh well, they’re still big enough for me to hide behind when my Hooman gets crazy ideas in her head, like trying to pick me up!

I love Christmas!!! My dog Tiffany loves Christmas too!! If you look carefully enough you can see me behind her in the third picture!

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I DO NOT like closed doors!!! I DO NOT like closed doors!!! I DO NOT like closed doors!!!

I'm going to have to have strong words with my Hooman about this strange habit of closing doors!!!

I will NOT tolerate any more closed doors!!! I own the right to go wherever I please whenever I please!!!

I do hate having to retrain my Hooman, but apparently it is sometimes necessary!!!

First "nieces and nephews," now "closed doors." Just when you think your Hooman is properly trained, you find out that you have to start over completely.


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I really don’t understand Hoomans. Even my Hooman is really hard to understand sometimes. I never have been able to understand what a niece or nephew is, but once again, my Hooman is giving these so-called “nieces and nephews” precedence over me. I really don’t understand her behavior at all. She says she going to be lucky if she can update my site for me over the next few days. It’s all something to do with a niece and a nephew’s soccer game and then something about a nephew’s birthday. I really don’t understand this.

Whatever nieces and nephews are, I don’t think they should get in the way of my website.

I DO NOT APPROVE!!! It is NOT right!!! Cats are supposed to RULE all!!!

Still, I’ll find a way to get her to do her duty!

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My Hooman put out a very strange box today. It’s not like any other box I’ve been in. I jumped into it and….landed on the floor. I don’t understand. It has sides like other boxes, but no bottom to it….Come to think of it, I don’t think it has a back to it.

Well, I guess it’s the sides that really matter, those are really what can turn a box into a fort, worthy to protect from all strange foes!

(The Hooman would like to add that there really aren’t any strange “foes” in the house that the Itty Bitty Boss needs protection from, but she is certainly welcome to any “Fort” that she can find.)

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No one has worked on my site in months. I don’t understand it. I’m very good at encouraging my Hooman to do her work. You can see that I’m on the work chair. I’m here, ready to go, ready to dictate my wise words for the world to read, but my Hooman is not where she is supposed to be. I really don’t understand this. We had an agreement: She is allowed to write some things on her own for my website, but only if she continues to work as my scribe. It’s a fair agreement. I just don’t understand why she isn’t working.

She claims that we’ve been on hiatus simply because I’ve been too busy being a Cat Burglar. I’ve told her that I’m perfectly capable of doing both. Besides, how can I be a burglar if everything in the house already belongs to me? Just because I choose to move things to a more convenient place than where the Hoomans left it, does not make me a Cat Burglar.

Oh well, it looks like maybe we’re getting back to work again finally. I guess, my getting on the work chair showed my Hooman that it was past time to get back to work!

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My Hooman likes to write. What’s really disturbing is that she’s been writing a story about someone other than me. It took me a while, but I finally decided to indulge her in her writing. It seems to mean a lot to her. I think it’s a good thing that I stepped in when I did, though. She clearly needs my help in editing her story. I don’t think she’d be able to do it without me.

I don’t know what she ever did without me before. She seems to need lots of help and guidance from me to get things done. At least I’m making progress in getting her story in better shape. It was a mess before I stepped in.

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My Hoomans have finally finished painting the house. They say they can finally start unpacking boxes! I know they couldn’t have done it without me! I had to oversee the job very carefully to make sure that they did it right. If you look closely, you can see that they painted over the dark color with a light one. It certainly is brighter in here. I’m conflicted about the boxes though. I like hiding among them, but I also like having things in their right place! Order is important!

I think I’ll ask them to leave a few boxes out for me!